Hilarious Colbert Report Lampoons Free Keene

It took months for the Colbert Report to air the footage they shot back in June, but it was worth the wait. As expected, they skewered us pretty well! Here’s the hilarious report on Robin Hood of Keene & Free Keene that aired last night on Colbert:

Thanks to Jesse and the rest of the Colbert crew for the coverage. For the record, Chris Cantwell is not a blogger at Free Keene.

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184 Comments

  1. Thats because of all this twisted perversion of freedom….30 years post Reagan…living in the FOX news world….if we would support more liberals like Bernie Sanders or Elizabeth Warren….we’d have a nicer country.
    Besides nothing wrong with big business if properly regulated.

  2. I don’t think government is perfect…..but life would suck without it. Republicans like a bloated defense department which is the real reason spending has grown…..the bulk of the rest is social security and Medicare and those are good things. I don’t know what age you are but someday you’ll want your social security and Medicare….it will come faster than you think.

  3. I’m young enough to not want it taken out of my check in the first place.

  4. It doesn’t yell at you dude…..it doesnt make me cry or feel my safety is compromised…..and there are signs that tell you how long you can park there. It isn’t a big issue. Small businesses in downtown areas rely on turnover…..if you want to shop all day go to Walmart.

  5. You won’t always feel that way.

  6. You accept that responsibility when you park in Keene Feed the meter it’s there for a reason and it isn’t for the City to make money dumb ass it’s so that people will move in and out of the spaces so others can park as well!

  7. Don’t park there then! SIMPLE

  8. 100% true if there was a purge they would meet ill fate i’m certain!

  9. Ok you are now truly a piece of shit! Do you ever think that he was scared of losing his ability to restrain himself from kicking the shit out of all the assholes harassing the the PEO’s? I don’t know this guy from Adam but show a little respect for someone who served our Country willingly was not drafted or forced he signed the fuck up and helped maintain the freedom we all cherish! Anyone can hide behind a computer and throw darts but people who join the military are brave people and they all deserve respect!

  10. Parking tickets are not threatening demands for money.
    When you use a public parking stall, and pay for the stall at the meter, you are allotted a certain amount of time.
    This is so the space can continually be made to be available to everyone.
    When you park for longer than the government has decided allow people to use that public space for, you are denying its use to other people.

    I suppose you think library late fees and such are oppressive too?

  11. But it’s not really that simple, is it Patrick? Parking should be handled by the local businesses. Instead, the City of Keene has usurped this role and has used this power to rob it’s “customers” at gunpoint.

  12. The Robin Hooders are campaigning against the City of Keene. Who do you think the parking enforcers work for? The PE’s are the enforcement arm of the City’s edicts and should be just as willing to hear the taxpayers’ complaints as any other government employee. They do after all “work for us” don’t they? But I think, fdog9, that you know better than that.

    As for your suggestion of going through the proper channels, you’re right. Campaigning is hard work. It’s also prohibitively expensive by design and is completely ineffective when the opposing ideas are entrenched.

    This is why protests of this type are protected by the 1st Amendment. The delegates at the Constitutional Convention understood that utilizing “proper channels” to oppose government overreach would always be an expensive (and often futile) undertaking. They understood that by only by taking complaints to the street and to the enforcers of unpopular laws could such laws be overturned.

    You seem to have a quaint idea of how the relationship that citizens have with their governments actually works, fdog9. You also seem to be unfamiliar with the concept of duress. When I go to Burger King I am choosing to eat their food. No such choice exists when I’m offered government “services”. Not only am I forced to pay for government services, I’m also forced to accept any changes the government elects to make to these services, assuming the government even elects to provide the services at all.

  13. Taking it to the streets is fine if it means protesting outside city hall or questioning politicians…..if your still defending yelling at meter maids you’re just plain wrong. Picking on some poor woman trying to make a living is wrong and it makes your cause look foolish. You have actually created sympathy for people that leave tickets on cars! My point using Burger King (probably not the best example) was supposed to mean if you have a complaint you go to the manager or the CEO not the guy on the fryalator. Colbert made the movement look like jerks. Your supposed to speak truth to POWER. What real power does a meter maid have?
    I use the library, public education, parks, roads…..I see igoverment as a force for good generally. I think ultimately most people do…..which I guess leaves you out of luck….I don’t see it radically changing anytime soon.

  14. What about the people receiving these tickets fdog9? They’re trying to make a living as well. Now they’re under threat to pay more money to the city simply for parking. Is it because that these people are not members of a group claiming authority over you that you’re less sympathetic to them?

    Keep in mind that the parking enforcers receive paychecks only by forcing you and me to pay for parking in front of other people’s property. Also note the 700% mark-up if you park 1 minute over your allotted meter time. If parking is so important to the local businesses, why not let the businesses take care of it instead of the city?

  15. What happens if you don’t pay the ticket fdog9? The fact that you weren’t yelled at doesn’t make that ticket any less of a threat.

    And here we have the root of the problem fdog9. Because you don’t FEEL threatened or bullied doesn’t mean that you haven’t been. The purpose of that ticket is to impart DURESS. You are ordered to follow the instructions given to you on that ticket OR ELSE. And this is why Free Keene (and other liberty-minded individuals) oppose parking tickets. When government places threats on people that do not protect people’s life and property they have become your MASTERS not your servants.

  16. Still confused about how the world works fdog9? I’ll try to use shorter sentences and smaller words to help you comprehend.

    YOU don’t spend money on defense. Government TAKES money from you and me and then spends it. You or I have no say in the matter. To aid in their re-elections, politicians will kick back some of that money in the form of subsidies and entitlements to get you to vote for them, but once re-elected, these same fellas are free to go about doing what they were doing before.

    Get it? Governments ARE corporations. But their customers are not you and me. Their customers are other corporations, lobbyists, and special interest groups. Have you ever wondered why? It’s because these groups do much of the campaigning for the politicians they wish to see get elected. This saves a lot of time and resources for politicians. Tell me fdog9, have you ever seen a labor union not express support for a pro-labor candidate?

    The socialism you advocate will only makes things worse because it will be the politicians, bureaucrats, and their agents, and not the consumers who will decide what resources go where.And in such systems, it’s POLITICS that decides who gets the resources, not who actually needs them.

  17. Still defending yelling at meter maids?……sheesh.

  18. Yes the government takes the money but I am the government…..me and my fellow citizens voted on this…..this is what we all agreed on….I just have a different philosophy than you…..I am part of a community of men and women and we work together. The government has a great deal of corporate interest right now but I believe in fighting the good fight by trying to elect people like Elizabeth Warren. We work and vote and we don’t scream at meter maids. I dont agree with your right wing views ….they will make corporations even more powerful than ever.

  19. My last parking ticket was $15……I didn’t feel threatened or bullied…..cause I’m not a big pussy. A meter maid isn’t my master…..it’s such small potatoes…..do you guys even have jobs? You guys act like this is like the Civil Rights Movement. You are free…..ask someone who lives in Saudi Arabia or China…..they wish they could worry about silly stuff like parking tickets.

  20. I’m defending the right to redress grievances to public servants. All you see here fdog9 is “people yelling at meter maids.” But there’s a bigger picture here. When people are threatening and robbing people, then how do you stop it? Call a cop? But what if it’s the cops that are doing the stealing?

  21. What if you didn’t vote? Did you agree to it then?

    We are not arguing philosophy or semantics. We are discussing the meaning of words. You are using words. And I am using words. But words mean things. If I agreed to something, then their must be some sort of proof that I agreed to it, either through a handshake or a contract. Voting is not an agreement. Voting is the majority deciding what’s best for rest, with the implication that force will be used if the minority resists. At best, your vote or my vote will decide the outcome in the event of a tie. Nothing more.

    You speak of community, but you’re unwilling to accept that there are those who don’t want to be forced to participate in your idea of community.

    I get it fdog9. Like most advocates of socialism you’re a BIG IDEA guy. You know what’s best for everyone. You know what ideas will work for everyone. And you know that if and other like you just elect the right person, then everything would be rainbows and unicorns. If only the rest of us would just get on board!

    The problem fdog9 is that you won’t tolerate anyone who is NOT on board. For big ideas to work, it must have popular support. But to get popular support you need power and that power comes from force. Get it? Your big ideas won’t work without forcing everyone involved to participate. And participate they will, whether they want to or not.

    Do you understand now, fdog9? Socialism does not tolerate competition. It’s their rules or a jail cell. No other solutions are accepted except those agreed upon by the representatives of the collective. And it’s only through competition, not force that real solutions to problems can be found.

  22. There usually is a sign there….like two hour parking…..and the meter tells you how much time you have…..or just don’t park there…how is this robbing people…..you say below that parking should be handled by local businesses…why would it be ok for them to charge a fee and not the city? Did it cross your mind that the businesses asked for this arrangement? Also the roads are paid by tax dollars…..so taxpayers and elected city leaders should be able to determine parking arrangements. You do have freedom and choices….ride your bike there or walk or take a cab or pay the meter…..how is this an issue?

  23. Because charging for a service is how business works, fdog9. If I park in a business’s lot, they are free to charge me if they wish. But in every private parking area I’ve used, the price is agreed upon first before I pay.

    But this is in contrast to how the government handles parking, which is entirely different from that of a business.

    Instead, government parking “services” charge an absurdly low price for parking. And then use poorly maintained meters to monitor the time of use. If that time is exceeded, I’m not charged for the extra time I used. Instead I’ve now broken the law and now must be assessed punitive damages. Punitive damages which are subjective and determined by the municipality where the violation occurred. Keene parking tickets are $5. But in Columbus, OH they’re $25. In Chicago they’re over $50.

    Remember the concept of duress, fdog9? If I don’t pay the business, they just won’t let me park there again. But government operates differently. First they demand a 700% mark-up for your “violation”. If you can’t, or refuse to pay, they may assess further punitive damages. Continue to refuse and they steal your car or even throw you in a cage.

    Get it now?

  24. I am not a socialist….I believe in capitalism…..I do feel that some things like health care would be better in government hands. Capitalism has done well for me….I’m well off. But I do believe in compassion and community. As for rainbows and unicorns…..believing that businesses and volunteers will solve all our problems is just as foolish as believing government will solve all our problems. You need business, government, and charity together to make it all work. As for not being tolerate……how tolerate is it to be screaming at meter maids. Tolerance requires making your points in a proper way and I include non violent street protest in that definition. Not voting is your right ….but I promise you that screaming at meter maids will do nothing except make a few meter maids sad.

  25. $5 parking ticket? That’s what you are all so angry about? Pay the $5.
    Businesses have caused me more duress than any government. Government never charged me $100000 for a hernia operation. I didn’t have any choices there.

  26. I actually watched the videos that the FK’s have put out during their Robin Hooding ventures. There’s very little screaming at meter maids during those videos. In fact, at least in the beginning, most of the bad behavior came from the PE’s themselves. Once they got used to the cameras however, the encounters became much more civil.

    The real kicker was the response of the City of Keene themselves. Unable to press criminal charges against the principal actors involved, the CoK resorted to civil lawsuits. All at taxpayer expense. All to stop a few protestors from complaining about parking tickets. Really? The FK’s are the villains here?

    As for capitalism, I don’t believe it will solve every problem either. But that’s the point. Capitalism isn’t about solving problems. It’s about freedom. Perhaps you’ll be surprised to learn that libertarians don’t believe in utopias either, but we have come to realize that real problems must solved voluntarily by the individuals involved. And there are never any one-sized-fits-all solutions.

    In a free market people are free to abide by the proposed solutions or not. They may participate as they see fit, without fear of violent retaliation.

    Governments don’t guide their decisions by such reasoning. Their solution is to “solve” problems (usually non-problems, but that’s another story) via committee and then force everyone to comply with their decision.

    Leaving decisions in the hands of politicians instead of market forces has been the worst idea in history. Politicians, like everyone else, engage in self-interest. And people in authority engaging in self-interest is a recipe for disaster.

  27. Do you like being forced to pay for something you didn’t want, fdog9?

    As for government not charging you for your medical expenses, you are wrong. Completely.

    How do I know this? Because I’m an MD. I’m sorry about your hernia operation being so expensive. I’m assuming you experienced a mesh infection from a ventral hernia repair?

    That said, much of the high costs of medical procedures are the direct result of government interference in medical education, licensing, insurance, and regulatory compliance. But because of all these hidden costs, medical caregivers must charge more to make a profit. Surgeries can even increase these expenses because of all the experts that must be involved – surgical nurses, specialists, and anesthesiologists to name just a few.

    For a general-care physician to provide services to his patients he must employ no less than a lawyer, an insurance agent, and a medical clerk (to maintain his records for regulatory compliance). Is that it? Nope. He must also maintain his facility for unsolicited code inspections. A doctor must also maintain his license with continued education (at his own expense). On top of this are the $200K+ in loans for four years of medical school which, even after he graduates eats up a considerable amount of his income for his first 4-6 years of residency (where he can expect to make AT MOST $55K per year).

    It’s this BS that keeps me in medical research instead of private practice. Fewer headaches – if you consider dealing with the FDA less distasteful.

    Regardless, much of these costs could be eliminated if the government allowed competition into the medical field. But they don’t. The government only recognizes the AMA as the experts in medicine. All other organizations are considered “fringe” and must always engage in their trade under the risk of harassment by government regulators. This preference that the government shows the AMA has turned them into a cartel, with all the power associated with such organizations.

    My point fdog9, is that if you want costs to go down, then competition must be let into the market. Not more regulations. Regulations simply create more bureaucrats to consume more resources. Resources that could be spent to improve medical care rather than diverted away to bureaucrats to increase its cost.

  28. Good for you fdog9! I was wondering how long it would take you fall back on cliches.

    And here we go. The three most cliched retorts to every anti-authoritarian argument:

    1. “Why object to such a small imposition?”
    2. “Aren’t there more important things to object to?”
    3. “Do you have a job?”

    By invoking #3, my guess is that – in your mind anyway – the opinions of the employed holds more weight to you than those of the unemployed.

    Tell me fdog9? If I walked up behind you and started flicking you in the ear, how would you feel? I’m not really hurting you. After all, it’s such a small imposition to you. And I’m just being an ass. You can always just walk away. But if you just walk away, it just might encourage me to flick your ear some more. Or maybe I’ll mix it up a bit and flick you in both ears at once. What do you do? Quite the conundrum isn’t it?

    The same analogy can be made with the government’s insistence that we renew our vehicle registrations and our driver’s licenses and the multitude of other “services” government keeps demanding I purchase. Since no one complains (effectively anyway), each year the DMV demands even more fees. And also more bureaucratic hoops to jump through.

    And this brings us to the purpose of activism. The purpose of which you continue to miss the point about. Activism is meant to be SEEN. In fact, for activism to be effective IT ABSOLUTELY MUST BE SEEN. And not just by the public at large. But also by the politicians, bureaucrats, and MOST IMPORTANTLY their agents. Otherwise, such efforts are wasted.

  29. Not a threatening demand for money? Okay then lets say its a notice to pay the fine or have your vehicle registration revoked. Either way, my statement still stands. Saving people from that is worthwhile and admirable. Saving someone from library late fees is worthwhile and admirable too.

  30. I happen to think that registration revocation is worse than supposed parking space hogs.

  31. I was waiting for him to say that people who are dependent on entitlement programs would starve to death.

  32. Why not? Do you think you know what’s better for me than I do? See, this is the problem with socialists.

  33. Well Colbert also made a joke out of this guy. Why don’t you lambaste him?

  34. I think you’re a raving douchebag just like the rest of them, loser.

  35. Right, Agent DipShit … right.

  36. Can’t we just let those poor old meter maids issue those threats in peace?

  37. LoL … Shut the fuck up, you raving douchebag.

  38. High-five, bro!

  39. lol

  40. Indeed. But I’m sure fdog9 believes that as well. To him, one of government’s primary responsibilities is to”help” people. It doesn’t matter if that help is real, imagined, efficient, or even effective. It only matters that the effort was made. Any unintended (or even intended) consequences are irrelevant.

    Drug war advocates believe the same nonsense. Prohibiting recreational drug sales and consumption has done nothing to stem the drug trade or reduce the number of addicts, but it’s proponents won’t abandon their agenda because (to them) it’s a war, and surrender isn’t an option.

    Sad. It’s a shame this guy and others like him peruse sites like these but never bother to learn why libertarians believe what they believe.

  41. Awww, is all the adult conversation making you feel left out Mike C.? Maybe you’d feel more at home leaving comments on a Facebook Toys R Us blog where you can talk about Transformers?

  42. If what you say is true. Then Like I said, the female meter maids are MENTALLY tougher than an Iraqi veteran. Thanks for making my point stronger.

  43. It’s amazing that veterans coming home from war have nothing more to look forward to than being a meter maid for a living, yet recruiters come into public schools, trying to recruit child-soldiers by spinning webs of lies about how great job prospects are after the military, how it teaches the “skills you need” and so on. Colbert could have done much more with this story.

  44. I agree. Screaming at meter maids is not the path to freedom. I think Colbert heavily relied on Cantwell for the “screaming at meter maids” theme. I also think considering others is very critical to society. Please consider that threatening violence to tax people is not very considerate or peaceful. I am talking about more than parking meters.

    Im sure you think that the majority rules, therefore I should drop it. Im sure there is an issue occurring right now that you disagree with. Ill guess you may have issues with the immigration thing, or welfare thing, or gay marriage, or… who knows what you disagree with… You cant complain! The system is the system. But All of these issues are revolving around controlling others for the betterment of all. None of us are free because people want to use government to control others.

  45. Colbert did plenty with this story: he exposed a bunch of retard douchebags in Keene, NH and made them the laughing stock of the entire country, if not much of the world.

  46. Douche much?

  47. I tend to think of them as Colbert does: retard “huge douchebags”.

  48. So says the stupid cunt who who does not even live in NH.

  49. LoL … Rojor, go fuck yourself. Feel free to pick up and leave this country sooner rather than later. While you’re at it, take your asswipe retard douchbag friends with you as well.

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