Saturday. April 25:
Last night I was called down to see Dr. Siegal. He’s a very nice man in his late 40s. Last week was the first time we met. He gave me a physical, and I answered some medical questions. He understood the basics of what I am doing and wished me the best.
Last night when we met he asked, “What are you still doing here?” At our last meeting we discussed my plan to give my name, before discovering that there was in fact no standing in NH law requiring a name to identify someone. That’s why fingerprints and photographs are taken. In fact, the opposite is true, there are to be no penalties for someone who does not provide a name.
I told him their judge decided to hold me indefinitely. The conversation turned to my health. My blood pressure was low, I lost another 3 lbs. I’m now down to 165 from 180. He confirmed I’m drinking milk and the conversation returned to politics. He comments that we were like two bulls who have locked horns in a no win situation that will continue until one of you loses. “I hate to say if,” he said, “but I thik it’s going to be you.” I replied, “Then I will weaken and perhaps die.” There was an eerie silence.
He was absolutely right. We have locked horns. The difference between the two? One of us offers reason, logic and discussion based in love. The other is willing to initiate violence against others acting out of fear.
It does seem hopeless at times. After reading the writ of Habeas Corpus, knowing that the superior court denied it, I realized that even they are willing to throw away their principles to retain order and control.
It must be how Frederick Douglass felt when he began to understand something that most people of that day did not. That he, even as a black man, should have the same basic human rights as every other man and woman. He came to understand that it was wrong to enslave another as property. How he must have felt looking across a society blissfully ignorant to this fact. I’m sure he too felt hopeless at times.
Back in the doctors office, Dr. Siegal and his assistant moved slowly with a sense of horror and panic emanating from them. I broke the silence by saying, “I’m sorry that makes you uncomfortable, but the fact is the government is willing to throw my life away to be right.” (to retain its order and control) Dr. Siegal hoped it wouldn’t come to that, and asked about my intake while pinching my skin to check hydration. He hoped I would be able to make my point without collapsing and going to the hospital. I agreed, we shook hands resolving to meet every week until I do.
There’s no need to worry. If prisoners of the state began choosing death by starvation instead of facing an out of control system where the deck is stacked against them, they would draw too much attention.
Allowing prisoners (they conveniently call inmates) to choose death over their incomprehensible system would expose the horrors , and quickly lead to change. Governments fear changes they do not control.
So here I sit knowing something that most do not yet understand; that government is force; that forcing or enslaving others, no matter how nice a face one puts upon it, does not work. And while Mr. Covey beat Frederick Douglass back into submission, his ideology was only strengthened.
In my case, government may win this battle, but each step moves them closer to losing the war; for they are fighting an idea, an idea that moves closer to reality every time it’s discussed.
SamIAm
