Is Rand Paul scared of being turned gay by Vermin Supreme?
This morning, likely democratic presidential contender Vermin Supreme was turned away from a campaign event for Rand Paul, the not-libertarian son of Ron Paul. Rand’s “NH Operations Director” sent a notice to Vermin prior to the event asking him not to attend. Vermin had originally RSVP’d to the supposedly public event at Milford, NH’s town hall and planned to hand out free candy in hopes of garnering Rand’s endorsement. Presumably the candy would also lure the gullible Rand supporters, many of whom seem to believe Rand is a libertarian.
To Rand’s credit, he can sound libertarian on some issues and is indeed the lesser of the evil people running in the major parties, but even he claims he’s not a libertarian. In case anyone needed to know for sure, here’s a story in Newsweek about how Rand proposed a 16% increase to the military budget, something his father wouldn’t have done.
Perhaps Rand knew the candy would be too tempting and sent the order to have Vermin uninvited from today’s event, or perhaps his staffer, Tammy Simmons, acted on her own volition in an attempt to shield Rand and his supporters from the corrupting influence of Vermin’s candy.
Vermin is also known for using his fairy dust to turn democratic presidential candidate Randall Terry gay back in 2012. Odds are good Rand is aware of this tactic, and that may be his motivation to keep Vermin away. In an interview this afternoon, Vermin acknowledged it’s possible that Rand fears being turned gay, and would not comment on whether he has any fairy dust in his possession, calling that a “closely held secret.”  Rand better hope Vermin isn’t holding any fairy dust.  He can’t afford to go gay, as he’ll lose his base of conservative homophobic anti-gay marriage supporters and thereby any shot at winning the primary.
Regardless, campaign season is just warming up, and Vermin Supreme will continue to strike fear into the hearts of politicians nationwide.  Eventually, he may encounter Rand within dusting distance. Here’s Vermin reading the letter from the Rand Paul NH boss:
UPDATE 10:40pm – Watch Rand’s security rescue a cardboard cutout of Rand from Vermin as he enters the building after the event ends:
