Get “Spank”, The Newsletter of the Church of the Invisible Hand

Nobody at WKNH

Nobody Interviewed on Wake Up Call at WKNH-FM.

The former Pope Indigent of The Church of the Invisible Hand, Nobody, is still in jail. He has been meeting other prisoners, listening to their stories and proselytizing while locked up. He started a newsletter called “Spank”, and has been gathering addresses of people both in and out of jail. I, Bonnie, Peace Nun of the Shire Free Church and one of the Priestesses of the Church of the Invisible Hand, have taken on the role of typing up some things he has written in jail and getting them out to subscribers of Spank. Here is the introduction that will be in every newsletter.

Welcome to “Spank”, the newsletter of the Church of the Invisible Hand’s Prison Outreach Ministry.

Here, we will discuss the spirituality and beliefs of the Church, the sources that inspire it, the ideas that inform it, (both as a whole and in individual practice,) and the practices, both universal and individual, by which we express our beliefs and exercise our faith in them.

As we enter into the long predicted Tribulations and the time of Persecutions of our faith, we beg of our newer Brothers and Sisters to views us with an open mind. Our ideas may seem foreign to you. Our ways may seem strange. But if you study them, we believe you will find, as we have, a faith that works for us, both in theory and in practice. We ask nothing of you but your time and thoughts. If our ways are not for you, we will gladly refund your misery.

The Church is, like Discordianism, an open-source religion. If you agree with us for the most part, but find some of our beliefs unacceptable to you, we invite you to discard those parts of our faith that do not work for you and replace them with others that do. There are a few parts of our faith which cannot be changed without rendering your brand of religion alien to, and irreconcilable with ours. If you believe that you have the right to force your ways on unconsenting others, then your ways are not ours. Please reconsider, and if you cannot, go from us in peace. We advise you not to try to impose your ways on us, or on those we love. If you can do even this, you can live in peace with us. If you believe that races are superior to, or inferior to other races, then we have no time for you. There is one race; the human race. All else is nonsense. We will council you if you wish to hear us, but we will never recognize you as being of our faith until you recant this nonsense. Claim no connection to the Church, we excommunicate you.

The invisible hand of Nature, and its antithesis, the Visible Boot of Government, are not entities or deities in the classical sense. They are more similar to the yin and yang of Taoism. Masculine and feminine, light and dark, right and wrong, good and evil. If you feel your understanding of the Tao is so good that you may force it on others, you have no understanding of the Tao. The way which can be spoken is not the true way. The course which can be forced is not the true course.

If you know anyone who you think would enjoy our newsletter, please send us their name and address at the return address included. Soon, we hope to be able to include business reply postcards, but these things take time, and we are but an egg. Or, perhaps, a clutch. Conversely, if you wish to cancel your subscription, just let us know, or pass future copies on to others. If you want our words to be heard by others, send us money and help us amplify, market and promote our message. Five bucks a month will pay for printing and mailing for many.

We look forward to meeting you and knowing you, as we trudge the road to happy destiny. Until then, we leave you with the traditional Blessing of our People: May the Visible Boot of the Government kick not in thy Door, nor thy Teeth, nor Stomp Upon thy Face. Ramen.

If you’re interested in getting on the mailing list, email a mailing address or email to bonnie@freetalklive.com. Or send mail to Nobody at:

Nobody (Formerly Rich Paul)
314 Daniel Webster Hwy
Boscawen, NH 03303

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19 Comments

  1. “The invisible hand of Nature, and its antithesis, the Visible Boot of Government, are not entities or deities in the classical sense. They are more similar to the yin and yang of Taoism.”

    So government is a necessary and vital complement to nature? I didn’t realize how much faith you put in the state.

    (I’m kidding, of course. I know that you don’t know anything about Taoism aside from a taijitu bumper sticker you saw driving down the road.)

  2. Ramen.

  3. What a bunch of BS. This whole church thing started because Ian and his minions didn’t want to pay taxes. This so called “church” has never been accepted as real. It’s the brain child of two disturbed criminals.

    Of course Ian used this phony BS to hide large sums of money in fraudulent accounts with this “churches” name on it. He never got a tax break for it but he tried to fraudulently deposit money into it. The funny thing is there isn’t enough people who would go to this farce to justify the large deposit amounts.

    I see you people are still trying to get people to give money though a defunct entity. People should know the leaders of this “church” are currently held without bail for money laundering and a host of other charges.

  4. I guess he’s going to be drug free in there

  5. He is not a Doaist by way of his actions and rhetoric by any measure.

  6. “This so called ‘church’ has never been accepted as real.”

    You are such a liar Jumping Jacks. The church has lots of members and a few dozen of them even reopened the Bitcoin Embassy after the FBI raid. While it is true that the tax assessor turned down tax exempt status over some physical minister occupied church properties in violation of constitutional principles the courts themselves have recognized the church and people have even been doing court mandated community service work for the Shire Free Church for years. Don’t confuse one legal case over property taxes for there not being a registered religious entity- either legally- or otherwise.

    “I see you people are still trying to get people to give money though a defunct entity.”

    Holly crap. First. The donations are not going to the Shire Free Church. That would be stupid and not how that works. Those funds are going to lawyers and collected by MEMBERS of the church. 2nd Stop making shit up. The Shire Free Church is not a ‘defunct’ entity and is a registered non-profit (which by the way is NOT required) in the state of New Hampshire in “good standing even:

    https://quickstart.sos.nh.gov/online/BusinessInquire/BusinessInformation?businessID=535319

    “People should know the leaders of this ‘church’ are currently held without bail for money laundering and a host of other charges.”

    Another false statement. Only one ministers of the Shire Free Church was arrested and that was Ian Freeman. He’s NOT currently being held without bail as you claim. He was released by the judge once the FALSE claims of Ian being a threat were revealed to the court. Even the FBI stated to the paper that the Crypto6 were NOT a danger to the public. That was probably a mistake by the FBI in that there is no way they would have intentionally had they realized it let that slip given it undermines the very arguments of the prosecution’s claim he’s a threat which they attempted to make in order to make putting up a defense as difficult as possible.

  7. Oh Jacks, you and your imagination

  8. Oh my…

    We’ve had long debates about whether something should be considered a church even if courts don’t, and it turns out that the courts do recognize Shire Free Church.

    What will the haters come up with now?

  9. Mike – You have blinders on. This so called church was not recognized as a “church” by the city of Keen. It did not receive tax exempt status. Ian tried a couple of times to get tax exempt and failed. It’s a bogus “church” All RNP wanted was “donations”. Now you tell me these donations are given to the crypto6 for lawyer bills. How is that a church? No one I know has ever heard of a church giving up donations for 6 people who used the so called “church” to hide large amounts of money.

    Again, this is not a nonprofit organization. It’s a front to bilk money out of those gullible people who attend this farce. It is not tax exempt.

    It’s not the FBI who would say the crypto6 is not a threat to the community. That is up to the DA. Guess what. They are a threat to the community. The judge agreed with the DA. on that one. Ian is confined to his house. He has an electronic tracker on his ankle.

    so spare your unending BS about things that are not real. The mainstream media has spelled it out and the crypto6 are looking at many many years in prison.

  10. Obviously Spank is a acronym..
    I can’t read all that
    Anyone know what it means

  11. I just assumed it was because invisible hand… Spank… Get it?

  12. Oh, wicked, bad, naughty, evil Zoot! Oh, she is such a bad person. And she must pay the penalty! You must spank her well. And after you are done with her, you may deal with her as you like. And then… spank me! Yes. Yes! You must give us all a good spanking!

  13. I want FBI Agent SCOTT BAILEY from the FBI Boston Field Office to come handcuff me, bend me over, and spank me for being a naughty spy!

  14. Yes. Yes! Agent Scott Bailey must all give us a good spanking! And after the spanking, the oral sex!

  15. “Now you tell me these donations are given to the crypto6 for lawyer bills. How is that a church?”

    Jacks- your mother must have been plastered the entire time she was pregnant with you. Members of the church collecting donations to pay the legal bills of the crypto6 is not the church doing the collecting. What is wrong with you? No one is this mentally challenged.

    “Again, this is not a nonprofit organization. It’s a front to bilk money out of those gullible people who attend this farce. It is not tax exempt.”

    Well, it’s certainly registered in NH as such whether or not it is registered with the IRS as such. Churches are not required however to register with the IRS. They can be, but it’s not mandatory.

    “They are a threat to the community. The judge agreed with the DA. on that one. Ian is confined to his house. He has an electronic tracker on his ankle. ”

    This is not correct. The judge explicitly said he was not a danger to the community and if he had ruled that it would mean he would be locked up in a jail cell, not released to home confinement. There were two hearings on this and that was the whole argument for keeping him in a jail cell. The prosecution lost the case on this one.

    “so spare your unending BS about things that are not real. The mainstream media has spelled it out and the crypto6 are looking at many many years in prison.”

    You should look at yourself sometime. The delusional one here is you. No matter what the evidence is you deny it and start name calling. So childish. Ian may be found guilty, but that doesn’t mean the judge ruled him a threat to the community. He did accept that there may be some risk of flight it seems which is what the bail was all about. Though he seemed to suggest that he didn’t think Ian was a flight risk, but was willing to accept that there is always a risk, thus the bail, and the defendant didn’t have a problem with paying it so he went with it.

  16. Mike – Again, your childish name calling and pie in the sky responses fall on deaf ears. I will follow the main stream media not you. I suggest you get some help for your hero worship of Ian and RNP. They are criminals, they have long records, and they are facing significant time in prison.

    I believe you and I are done now. Have a nice day.

  17. As I stood there naked, FBI Agent SCOTT BAILEY wanted to look at my porn collection. I told him his search warrant was not valid, but given that I am a badge bunny with a severe case of ginger-vitis I made SCOTT BAILEY an offer: I would agree to plead guilty to being a naughty spy if he would let me snort cocaine off his sexy, muscular chest while his fellow agents confiscated my computer gear. He said he would get into trouble with the Office of Professional Responsibility, who takes a dim view on Agents sleeping with potential grand jury witnesses.

  18. OMG- That is hilarious TJ!

  19. JJ has “deaf ears”
    To anything that might make him think

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