An Opposing View – Why You Should Support The Bearcat

BEARCATHenry Acton of Keene emailed FK via news at with this essay on why you should support the BEARCAT:

Hello my fellow New Hampsters!

I’ve been reading with great interest the debate about the LENCO Bearcat Armored Personnel Carrier. I have decided to support Keene obtaining this fine piece of military hardware. This might surprise some of those of you who know me so I thought I would explain why.

There are two main sets of arguments as to why Keene needs such a beast of a vehicle. The official view is that it would be useful for emergencies…and stuff. The popular contrary view is that it is useful for militarizing the police to prepare them to wage war upon the populace, and because they want a really huge really fancy truck to play with at no real cost to themselves.

Both of these views are true, but I don’t believe they address the fundamental core reason why the small town government of Keene and the even smaller surrounding town governments want this. To understand why it is so important and necessary, I turn to the wisdom of the very first psychologist, William James:

“The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.”

The police and government officials want to be appreciated. They want to do an important job and they want to be appreciated, respected, even adored by the public.

Now Keene is a small town still, and the other communities are even smaller. There’s not a whole lot of important work for the police and local government employees. Why, if it wasn’t for the War on Drugs, we would have to fire most of the cops, and those remaining would be little more than Barney Fifes with no important work to do. Thanks to this blessed War they don’t just have important work – they have missions!

And for people who don’t have any particular skill or ability, or the drive and determination to develop any skill or ability they do happen to have, there is no better way to be appreciated than to be a war hero. This is why it is very important that we always support the government in it’s war against us. It elevates the police and mayors and city councils above us so that they are very important and obviously with all of that power the masses must appreciate them. Without this war when they are called about a plastic bottle littering the ground they would only be a janitor – and there’s no appreciation there. But with this war they are investigating a possible meth lab! And of course everyone appreciates the brave war heroes who risk burns and exposure to dangerous chemicals! Without this war when they are called about a backpack they would only be custodians managing the lost and found, but with this wonderful war, they are investigating a suspicious package that might be a bomb or other terrorist weapon of mass destruction! And of course they will be appreciated for risking life and limb to investigate a possible bomb, even if it turns out to only be a middle schooler’s backpack.

And think of the glorious LENCO Bearcat. This isn’t the typical old piece of junk armored personal carrier that is donated by the military because it’s so old and useless. Oh no, this is a top of the line souped up Ford 550 (that’s right – not a F150, not a F250, but a F550!!!) that can withstand .50 caliber machine gun fire! Obviously only very important highly appreciated war heroes are ever given such an expensive and powerful piece of equipment.

From now on our police will have the means to turn the hum drum work of small town policing into an exciting war mission. When they bust some friends playing poker they will no longer be the annoying busybodies and pompous party poopers ruining a good time – they will be fighting an organized crime gambling ring! When they bust consenting adults buying and selling marijuana flowers they will no longer be the hypocritical enforcers of the state’s alcohol monopoly – they will be soldiers on the front line of the drug war, just as important as any DEA agent in Mexico. And of course they will be worshiped as war heroes when they use their vastly superior numbers and arms and armor and armored vehicles to crack down on these unarmed scoundrels who offer no resistance, very brave war heroes whose courage will be unmatched and unquestioned.

I hope I have convinced you to support the LENCO Bearcat, and the KPD and the other police departments and all of our public masters. If you want to know how to express your support and appreciation for their very hard work (and what can be harder than policing a small town where there is little to nothing to police?), you may be happy to know it’s not very hard. Keep doing what you’ve been doing – paying and obeying. Do as you are told. And stop questioning and criticizing the police and local governments. Don’t pay any attention to the money and backroom deals and preferential treatment given to people more important than yourself. In return for giving up your liberty and your property and your rule of law the police and government officials will be most genuinely appreciative and that’s a win-win deal for all.


Henry Acton
Keene, NH

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  1. The author's name is Henry, BWAHAHAHA. Hilarious!

    Aw Henry, I'm just pickin… can go back to trying to master sarcasm. If you post your stupid letter on your facebook, maybe some people will give you some thumbs ups. WOWWEE

  2. Did a nice job with the sarcasm. Good letter. Great examples of turning non-crimes into dastardly terrorist activities.

  3. Mr. Acton,


  4. It is just another one of those old plays from the play book: Create a crisis in order to solve it. That is what the officials are doing. They want us to depend on them for the solutions so we don't take responsibilty for ourselves. They don't want us to think, just cooperate. No kibbles for you official doggies. If they want appreciation (the police), then let us create a donut bomb and deliver thousands and thousands of donuts at a designated time and overwhelm them with boxes of donuts to make it hard for them to drive the stupid bearcat off the lot. Pour the coffee as well.

  5. He made Matt, the-cruel-joke-on-himself, soil his hyper-sensitive panties. Good work there. Matt knows that there are people out there who think themselves above the rest of us, as he's constantly bowing and scraping to them.

    It bothers his teeny tiny little sensibilities whenever people refuse to kiss their dirty asses. Of course Matt is also a liar, so he will constantly try to hide that very important fact from everyone that is is always about him wanting everyone to just put up with it and never question authority for the sake of it just being authority.

    People who dare consider themselves our betters and Matt wonders why everyone else laughs at him and thinks him such a fool. He will never deal with such a cold hard fact, so watch for another of his many deflections in response, as its all that he's got.

    Yeah Matt, we are laughing at you yet again. It comes with the territory of you being such an ineffective and lame troll, constantly demanding to be taken seriously.

  6. "there are people out there who think themselves above the rest of us"

    I believe that people who invade state and try to get everyone in that state to drop what they're doing and reform society to look the way this new group of people wish it looked fall into that category.

  7. *invade a state

  8. Chaz, I can't be a lame troll when you always reply to anything I type….that means I am effective. Dolt. BTW….your use of the term "panties" is getting a little overdone, may I suggest you surf youtube comments for something new. Maybe something about mom's basement or what not. Whatever. Who cares.

  9. "The author’s name is Henry, BWAHAHAHA. Hilarious!

    Aw Henry, I’m just pickin… can go back to trying to master sarcasm."

    You treated a common name as though it were a joke. Perhaps you can offer me free lessons so that I might acquire your highly advanced comedic forms?

    "If you post your stupid letter on your facebook, maybe some people will give you some thumbs ups. WOWWEE"

    That's a great idea. Have you considered becoming a police officer? The money is good, great if you add in the bribes, and you can get all the drugs you want for free.

  10. * To the tune of Iggy Pop's "candy"

    Henry, Henry, Henry we cant let you goooooo

    Ian, ademo, derrick…They love you soooooo

    Henry henry henry, life is crazzzyyyyyy

    Henry Babyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!

  11. matt on Thu, 16th Feb 2012 10:10 am

    Chaz, I can’t be a lame troll when you always reply to anything I type….that means I am effective. Dolt. BTW….your use of the term “panties” is getting a little overdone, may I suggest you surf youtube comments for something new. Maybe something about mom’s basement or what not. Whatever. Who cares.

    That's another lie from you. I don't "always reply" to your lunatic rantings. I work for a living and don't have the time that welfare cases such as yourself have to constantly ply your vile spews at those who truly love liberty.

    You're still a humongous joke on yourself, you know. Another of your pack of lies includes the notion the I don't lack any good barbs in my replies, its just that you are constantly spouting lies about people you have needlessly taken on and are quite ineffective in challenging.

  12. Yes Chaz, you do always reply. And you still are, in case your mind is telling you that you didn't just reply twice in one thread. If I am ineffective in challenging, why do you bother? That is like a marathon runner showing up at a Special Olympics race. Henceforth, in your sad attempts at sarcastic satire with a tablespoon of oooh ahhh scary anger, you are either a.) making no sense at all, or – b.) just trying a *little* too hard. Either way, I am glad I push your buttons enough that you choose to bother replying. Your "barbs" are the same reguritated bullshit each time anyways.

    So, Mr. Noble Chaz Munro, hater of lies, by calling me a welfare case, you are uh….lying…DERRRR – or maybe you're just hopeful…..but either way, feel free if it gives you tingles in your asshole. Again – WHO CARES.

  13. Chaz is definately in the running for biggest goof on the set along with david…

  14. Oh poor liitle Mike Clark… had a run in with the law so now hes gonna cry to the town council.. Man up bitch… I guess i gotta come up there and take a bat to that grape

  15. Chaz, genius , it was brilliant of you to reply to matt's lunatic ranting with a lunatic ranting reply that you don't reply to his lunatic ranting.

    So brave.

    And, dare I say, a true hero.


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